Mariah Carey's nude pregnancy photos just don't stop, and now even Nick Cannon is joining in. Gross. All this could be over, if those babies would just hurry up and be born. So here is where Jubal pleads to the unborn children, please hurry. (Image courtesy of VanessaPike-Russell. Used under Creative Commons.) Dear Mariah Carey's Unborn Twins: Would you PLEASE be born already?!?! Our retinas won't stop burning from your mother's constant nude, pregnancy photos. I mean, we're used to seeing Mariah on the cover of magazines looking big and bloated, but there's usually a 4-sizes too small satin dress to hide her stummy. Not anymore. Thanks to you two unnamed fetuses, I'll refer to you as "Glitterbug" and "Butterfly Prince" from this point on, I have to be subjected to your mother's keg of a gut while I'm standing in line at the grocery store waiting to buy a 12-pack. A 12-pack that if I shot-gunned each beer from I STILL wouldn't find those pictures sexy. The worst picture is the most recent. It's of Mariah and her other son, Nick Cannon. In this picture Nick is also shirtless holding Mariah's flappycake boobs in his hand. It's horribly disturbing. I wish you guys luck in life. I really do. I just really want you to put an end to the non-stop tweeting, daytime TV show interviewing and God-awful picture taking that your parents are doing by getting out of Mariah's belly. No doubt after you're born we'll have to see pictures of you two, covered in pink and glitter (even the boy) on every magazine, but at least it won't be the barrage of libido annihilating pregnancy photographs America has had to put up with over the last couple months. Also young ones, a bit of advice as you enter this world. Soon you'll be watching children's TV. Fair warning, the diva that shoves herself tiny dresses and chases around a frog named Kermit. That's from a show about Muppets. Those ARE NOT home videos of your mom. Sincerely, Jubal P.S. Also, know your role. Never, ever, EVER try to upstage your mom. That certainly will result in you being put up for adoption.