March madness is almost here and you know who is pumped about it the most!? Office secretaries! That's right, Jubal has a bone to pick with all the ladies that have randomly taken his money over the years during tournament time. Hear it all in today's podcast.(Image courtesy of mpujals. )
Dear Secretaries Who'll Be Winning Their March Madness Brackets,
You suck. Every year at this time offices conduct their March Madness pools - sometimes for hundreds of dollars. Guys sit around doing research on which teams will advance. We stare for hours at Stewart Scott's creeptastic, wonky eye as we watch "ESPN'S" non-stop breakdown of tape in order to complete what we think is the perfect bracket only to lose to someone who picks the NCAA Tournament champion based on how color-coordinated a team's "outfit" is. Yes, you even call a sports uniform an OUTFIT! Yet you win every time.
I guarantee that after the first round of play I'll be mathematically eliminated from winning and you'll be in the break room going "Oh my gaw, I didn't get one game wrong, tee hee". All the while I'll be wondering if HR would understand me dumping the hot pot of coffee I'm holding over your head. I'm betting if they took one look at your bracket and saw you go "I don't even know who I'm picking, all I know is that number 17 on the blue team is cuuuuuuute", they'd have you fired before you could even utter the phrase "so what team does Kobe Bryant play for anyway??"
Just do me a favor Secretaries Who'll Be Winning Their March Madness Brackets, tell me how much to pay you now so I don't have to endure the embarrassment of losing for 3 straight weeks because the color of "Syracuse's jerseys match my bedspread".
P.S. I'd appreciate it if you could keep that picture I sent you via company email our little secret. HR doesn't need to know about that. Also it was cold . . . there's going to be some shrinkage.