- They're selling wedding dresses at COSTCO now. Wow, wedding dresses AND industrial size peanut butter jars . . . it's your one stop wedding shop!
- So, I guess I should stop licking the SHOPPING CART handles at Safeway now???
- The Catholic Church is REMOVING the word "booty" from the Bible. Man, I'm really gonna miss that verse where Mary drops it like it's hot!
- A woman is suing a 99-cent store because she slipped on a BANANA PEEL. Officials are currently looking to question a suspect who goes by the name of Wile E. Coyote.
- Texas lawmakers have proposed a law that would toughen punishment on people who hire ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS. UNLESS you're hiring them to be your maid or your gardener. Ridiculous! There's other things immigrants should be able to do, like help me move.
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