- A new study shows that people who's bedrooms are shrouded in PURPLE have more sex. What about those people who's bedrooms are shrouded in disappointment and broken dreams? I'm asking for a friend.
- A giant, 19-inch earthworm has been DISCOVERED in China. Meanwhile, here in the states a tiny earthworm has been discovered by any girl on my contact list who's opened the text message I drunkenly sent them over the weekend.
- Chuck Norris has released a VIDEO where he claims that re-electing Obama will pretty much destroy the world. The only thing that can destroy the world faster? Chuck Norris's fist.
- McDonald's plans on opening a string of VEGETARIAN restaurants in India. They've already begun perfecting the pink goop they'll call "broccoli".
- An elderly woman who was dubbed "The Queen of Cocaine" has been GUNNED DOWN in Columbia. So I guess that makes Lindsay Lohan heir to the throne?
(Image Courtesy: This Is A Wake Up Call. Creative Commons)