- A mysterious "MONSTER ANIMAL" washed up on the beach in New York. At first people panicked, until they realized it was just Snooki sunbathing.
- Newt Gingrich says that he's "very comfortable" with NOT SPEAKING at the GOP's national convention next month. However he will NEVER be comfortable with the wedgie he receives everyday from bullies for being named "Newt".
- A new study shows that drinking caffeinated energy drinks mixed with alcohol can lead to CASUAL SEX. I call bull! I've been drinking vodka Redbulls all morning long and you know what I've got? NOTHING!
- MASSIVE BLACKOUTS in India have left 600 million without power. So, if you've been having trouble reaching customer service about your cable bill . . . there's the reason why.
- A new study shows that women are more prone to ROAD RAGE than men. Especially if they're driving around their aunt Flo.
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