- A company has created a robot that can pour a perfectly mixed COCKTAIL in less than 10 seconds. Maybe, but unlike human bartenders it lacks the ability to take home a desperate cougar at the end of the night.
- There's a 12-year-old girl in London who has a HIGHER IQ than Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking. I'm also betting she's got a faster 40-yard dash time than Stephen Hawking too. No, screw YOU!
- The Dow Jones hit a RECORD HIGH this week. Who's this Dow Jones guy and why does he smoke so much weed? No I don't have a retirement plan, why do you ask?
- The TSA is going to start allowing travelers to take small POCKET KNIVES on airplanes. Proof that the obesity problem in America has gotten so bad that the TSA is looking for any excuse to not have to conduct pat-downs.
- The 2014 World Cup will offer SPECIAL SEATING for obese people. In other words, Americans will now be able to attend the 2014 world cup. Go USA!
(Image Courtesy: Fordan. Creative Commons)