- The average man will have to spend $218 to GET LAID on Valentine's Day. That's so dumb, I know a place where they could get laid for $40. What? Don't judge.
- A new study shows that EARNING LESS than your wife is bad for your libido. This study is stupid . . . I mean everyone knows married dudes don't have sex.
- One in three people have SLEPT with someone they met online. Does pleasuring yourself to random girl's "summer fun" bikini albums count? I'm asking or a friend.
- A prisoner in Sri Lanka was CAUGHT with a cell phone in his rectum after it rang. That's ridiculous, everyone knows it feels better when you've got it on vibrate. Uh, I mean, gross!
- A woman is giving her husband a KIDNEY for Valentine's Day. And in response he'll give her a wilted flower he bought at the gas station last minute.
(Image Courtesy: danielmoyle. Creative Commons)