- A jet ski rider was saved after nine hours thanks to the fact that he was wearing a SpongeBob SquarePants BATHING SUIT. In all honesty though, what's the point of living if you're that big of a virgin?
- A new study shows that getting into weekly FIGHTS is actually good for your marriage. Well, unless those fights are with your mistress.
- Crocs made $1 BILLION in 2011. Wow, who knew making the world an unsexier place could be so lucrative?
- For the first time since 1965 murder isn't the one of the top 15 CAUSES of death in the country. Well I guess it's true what they say about Americans being lazy isn't it?
- Owning a car and a TV makes it more likely that you'll suffer a HEART ATTACK. It also makes it more likely that you're not homeless so, take the good with the bad.
VIDEO: HAHAHAHA. Yes! A man calls C-SPAN to ask if Mitt Romney has a big penis.
(Image Courtesy: Hilath.)