- The Girl Scouts are rolling out a NEW COOKIE called "Savannah Smiles". Wait, is that a cookie or the name of a porn star?
- Yesterday was the biggest day of the year for CHEATING on your husband or wife. In other words it was National Tiger Woods Day!
- A woman tried to get out of SHOPLIFTING by claiming she was Rudy from "The Cosby Show". This MIGHT have been a good idea, in 1991.
- People who meet online get MARRIED in an average of 18 months. Meanwhile people who get married after their publicist finds an NBA player gullible enough to agree to it, still can only stay married for 72 days.
- An Ohio man STABBED his friend for not knowing that Jay-Z and Beyonce were married. Wow, this is tragic. I mean who DOESN'T know that Jay-Z and Beyonce are married? Idiot.
VIDEO: THIS is exactly why I have no hope for the future of our country.
(Image Courtesy: matt.koenig.)