A lawmaker wants to change HALLOWEEN from October 31st to the last Saturday in October. Hey, as long as he's not trying to stop women from skanking up various occupations for their costumes, I'm cool with it. read more ≫

15% of adults say they've seen a GHOST. The other 45% never met Michael Jackson when he was alive. Doctors have found that one symptom of rabies in women is an unrelenting SEX DRIVE. I'll now begin training my army of rabid, assault squirrels to bite any hot chick they see. read more ≫

The age that people start to hate looking in the MIRROR is 45. Or, if you're Susan Boyle, birth. Police in Ohio KILLED 49 exotic animals, 6 were rescued and the monkey with herpes was eaten by a tiger. I think that pretty much sums it up. read more ≫

Here are the 6 worst Halloween CANDIES. This is exactly why I'll be passing out a healthy option this October 31st . . . it's called meth. The new iPhone may have already BROKEN UP its first marriage. And surprisingly it ISN'T do to a sexting senator. read more ≫

A woman in New York who was arrested for public nudity FLASHED the judge in court . . . and had her case dismissed. Oh sure, SHE does it and her case is dismissed, I do it and they're all like "30-days in jail". read more ≫